Men

“When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” ~ Sacha Guitry

“A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.” ~ Duane Dewel

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” ~ Oscar Wilde

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” ~ Albert Einstein

“Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.” ~ Kathy Lette

“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” ~ Molly McGee

“Lord, Lord, how subject we men are to this vice of lying.” ~ William Shakespeare

“There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy… like nailing a jelly to a tree for example.” ~ Anonymous

“Man has the will, but the woman has her way.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they’ve had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon.” ~ Anonymous

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone.” ~ Lenny Bruce

“The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.” ~ Unknown

“I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” ~ Anonymous

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” ~ Anonymous

“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.” ~ Kathleen Mifsud

“There are two perfectly good men, one dead and the other unborn.” ~ Chinese Proverb

Men should be like Kleenex; soft, strong, and disposable.” ~ Unknown

“Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don’t generate a lot of interest.” ~ Anonymous

“The older theory was, marry an older man because they’re more mature. But the new theory is men don’t mature. Marry a younger one.” ~ Rita Rudner

“No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.” ~ Anonymous

“Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious; both are disappointed.” ~ Oscar Wilde

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse.” ~ Unknown

“Marriage is given and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” ~ Anonymous

“The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.” ~ Jilly Cooper

The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.” ~ Roseanne Barr

“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serving you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” ~ Helen Rowland

“There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.” ~ Helen Rowland

“Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.” ~ Helen Rowland

“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.” ~ Woodrow Wyatt

“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” ~ Brendan Francis

“A man in love is like a clipped coupon – it’s time to cash in.” ~ Mae West

“A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.” ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.” ~ Mae West

“It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.” ~ Helen Rowland

A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.” ~ Unknown

“The first time you buy a house you think how pretty it is and signs the check. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It’s the same with men.” ~ Lupe Velez

“Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.” ~ Anonymous

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason, he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

There are many such instances where you can just let go and lose yourself in this sunnier side of life. Hope you had a good time laughing your heart out while reading these funny quotes about men. I’d like to add a disclaimer: This is to be taken in a light manner and is not meant to offend the feelings of men. So guys, just take it cool and enjoy, as it takes guts to laugh at one’s own self. Cheers

Women always worry about things that men forget; men always worry about things women remember.
Men are like a pair of high heel shoes you wear them use them and throw them away for a new pair.
The way to man’s heart is through an incision.

When God created man she was only joking

A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run – Sit still and ignore him and he’ll come purring at your feet.

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.

Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I don’t think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women.

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.