“Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.” ~ Mark Twain

“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.” ~ Aesop

“A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.” ~ Winston Churchill

“One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.” ~ Plato

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.” ~ Mark Twain

“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” ~ Harry S. Truman

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.” ~ Groucho Marx

“In Mexico, an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn’t work very well.” ~ Len Deighton

“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.” ~ Oscar Ameringer

“The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” ~ Ronald Reagan

“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” ~ Will Rogers

“I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.” ~ Ronald Reagan

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” ~ Winston Churchill

“If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there’d be a shortage of sand.” ~ Milton Friedman

“You can’t say ‘I don’t do politics,’ because silence is a political statement.” ~ Tariq Ramadan

“It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.” ~ Ronald Reagan

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.” ~ Clarence Darrow

“A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.” ~ Texas Guinan

“Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side.” ~ Thomas Sowell

“He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

“I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.” ~ Charles de Gaulle

“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.” ~ Andy Borowitz

“Some men change their party for the sake of their principles; others their principles for the sake of their party.” ~ Winston Churchill

“A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.” ~ Edward Abbey

“Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.” ~ John Quinton

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” ~ Will Rogers

“If you want government to intervene domestically, you’re a liberal. If you want government to intervene overseas, you’re a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, you’re a moderate. If you don’t want government to intervene anywhere, you’re an extremist.” ~ Joseph Sobran

“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” ~ Dan Quayle

“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.” ~ Will Rogers

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” ~ George W. Bush

“Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.” ~ Doug Larson

“A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

“A fool and his money are soon elected.” ~ Will Rogers

“Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.” ~ Plato

“Rarely is the question asked: Are our children learning?” ~ George W. Bush

“To make even fewer friends try talking about politics as much as you talk about yourself.” ~ Demetri Martin

“Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it’s just the opposite.” ~ John Kenneth Galbraith

“When the President does it, that means that it’s not illegal.” ~ Richard M. Nixon

“A businessman cannot force you to buy his product; if he makes a mistake, he suffers the consequences; if he fails, he takes the loss. If bureaucrat makes a mistake, you suffer the consequences; if he fails, he passes the loss on to you.” ~ Ayn Rand

“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.” ~ Douglas Adams

“I’ve been a politician and so I’m sometimes cynical about what politicians won’t do. When I hear a politician say something that makes no sense whatsoever, I think there’s one of two things there: There’s money or the promise of money.” ~ Allan Boesak

“I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.” ~ Tallulah Bankhead

“It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.” ~ George W. Bush

“I won’t eat anything that has intelligent life, but I’d gladly eat a network executive or a politician.” ~ Marty Feldman

“As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don’t believe in evolution.” ~ Andy Borowitz

“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.” ~ Ronald Reagan

“Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.” ~ Ambrose Bierce

“Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress’s role.” ~ Andy Borowitz