My wife is really sentimentalizing Valentine’s Day. I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan – Leopold Fechner

Eighty percent of married men cheat in AmericaThe rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight – Phyllis Diller

Marriage has no guarantees that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery – Erma Bombeck

Love is sharing your popcorn – Charles Schultz

Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.

Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass – English Proverb

Love is the same as like except you feel sexier – Judith Viorst

I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth – Chico Marx

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on – Joan Rivers

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury – Groucho Marx

A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt – Spanish Proverb

He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle – Ring Lardner

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else – Jean Kerr

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one – Fran Lebowitz

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it – Phyllis Schlafly

Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds – Cindy Garner

Eighty percent of married men cheat in AmericaThe rest cheat in Europe – Jackie Mason

According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.

If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.

Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.

My head and my heart will never cease their endless warWhen my head says ‘I don’t care, my heart says ‘I do care’. When my head says ‘I’m not thinking about her, my heart says ‘of course you do’.

It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love – Albert Einstein

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses – Thomas Dewar

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there – George Burns

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it – Elizabeth Evans

The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.

All you need is loveBut a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt – Charles M Schulz

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery – Fulton J Sheen

If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love – Miles Davis

My mind works great wonder 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day until I met you.

Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.

I want to be the reason when you look down on your phone, you’ll have this goofy smile in your face and jump up and down like a silly little girl, and then fall down a manhole.

During my days, the teenagers talk about movies, music and love. Now, all the kids talk about are sex, relationship and heartbreak

Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.

Staying in love for more than 5 years is almost impossible. Staying in love with the same person for you’re the rest of your life is a miracle.

Marriage does not only require you to deal with expenses and the toilet seat, you also have to deal with feelings and the last resort, the lawyers.

Promise yourself not to be a woman who needs a man to live, but a woman a man needs.

You will always be my 11:11 and the name I write in my naughty list.

Girls cry their eyes out until they are dry, while boys drink their beers until their mugs are all dried up
I wish there’s a traffic light to tell me when to stop, go and slow down when I took this road of falling in love.

I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night and your most painful goodbye.

Stop waiting for your prince in a white horse. Go and find him. The poor bastard might be lost, stuck in an island or something.

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms. – JP Senn

My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor. – Elayne Boosler