The Oscars are two hours of sparkling entertainment, packed into a four-hour show – Jonny Carson

I am going to IOWA to collect an award. Then I am appearing at Carnegie Hall, it’s sold out. I am sailing to France to pick up an honor from the French govt. I’d give it all up for one erection – Groucho Marx

“The fans get to see you, and you can do great by your record if you have a great performance or a great night there.

That’s all part of the business. But at their core, awards shows are not really a sincere thing. For a lot of years, the artists had to pay to play their own set.” ~ Jay-Z

“On an awards-show day, I can play basketball, go in, take a shower, and put on a tux – it takes me three minutes to put on a tux – and be out the door in 15 minutes.” ~ George Clooney

“If I don’t win, the award show loses credibility.” ~ Kanye West

“They’re a redefinition of boredom… the most important thing you need to know about an awards show is where is the nearest smoking opportunity.” ~ Stephen Daldry

“Just look at all the awards shows now. It has turned into a catwalk. You have to be wearing a certain designer, a certain dress, and everyone’s critiquing.” ~ Portia de Rossi

“Award shows are really silly. I’m very happy for the people that win the awards, and I can say they’re really silly, but I would love to get one. So I also know wasting time on that is pointless.” ~ Jim Gaffigan, Awards shows are my greatest

“When you go to awards shows these days, you can walk through a room and they give you everything for free: sunglasses, guitars, stuff for the wife.” ~ Jordan Knight

“I don’t want anyone to get seriously hurt. But I do watch awards shows to critique the clothes while I sit around eating chips in my sweat pants and in hopes of seeing some hilarious accidental nudity.” ~ Eliza Coupe

“I get nervous before everything – dates, filming, awards shows.” ~ Taylor Lautner

“On a personal level, I love the idea of hosting an awards show. I think that sounds like kind of a fun thing to do.” ~ Zachary Levi

“I am honored to be selected as the 2012 Miss Golden Globe. It’s very exciting to be a part of an awards show like the Golden Globes so early on in my career.” ~ Rainey Qualley

“Of course the concept is to give people samples to get them hooked, I get that. But to continuously give away our music, that’s the reason why you don’t see [many] rap award shows anymore, the reason that you don’t see rappers in commercials anymore; because we have allowed our music to be devalued.” ~ David Banner

“I’ve never been to Hollywood. I can count the number of times I’ve been to Los Angeles on my hands. I’ve never made a movie there and I’ve never been there for working reasons. The only reason to go there is for silly awards shows.” ~ Stephen Daldry

“When people start writing songs for award shows, there’s a very limited palette you can use. You end up not sounding like you. You end up sounding like somebody else. You end up getting what the record company thinks they can market.” ~ Mike Dirnt

“[I] go to the Golden Globes, the Grammys, all the awards shows. Just stuff you would never get to do as a regular person were things that were really exciting for me.” ~ Cassandra Peterson

“If you watch the award shows, you’ll see variations of the hammer pants. It’s always cool to see that and then every now and then, you’ll see an artist who’s pushing the envelope and it may not be all the way there but you can see where it’s coming from. I’m always appreciative of seeing my influence.” ~ MC Hammer

“In my life right now, in my music, and just overall I feel like I’m winning. It doesn’t matter what this person is saying or what the charts are saying or what award shows are saying, the public opinion doesn’t matter. I feel like I’m winning in my spirit.” ~ Brandy Norwood

“Like most people, I’ve always felt using words like ‘best’ when applied to art is a fun way for critics to stay busy at the end of the year, and I guess a good way to help get ratings for awards shows, which is fine.” ~ Steven Van Zandt

“You know those award shows. The cliche is that it’s an honor just to be nominated, but that happens to be true. Whoever wins it in the end, I don’t know, sometimes it feels arbitrary. Sometimes it feels like it’s deserving.” ~ Hank Azaria

“Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.” ~ Andy Kindler

“I don’t look for boyfriends, I don’t really scour the awards shows for who I’m going to date, but I think love happens when you’re not looking for it, and when it happens, I’m not going to be the one to overthink it.” ~ Taylor Swift

“I always look back to awards shows and think about being a kid watching them.” ~ Luke Bryan

“I’d rather go to the White House Correspondents’ dinner than any awards show.” ~ Scarlett Johansson

“What does a writer look for in an actor? Memorizing. Not paraphrasing. Fear of ad-libbing.”

“Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.” ~ Andy Kindler