“Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I’m a schoolteacher, I got a family, okay? I’m all for secrecy, but I’m not going to torch a fking cop car” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“It’s rock, paper, scissorsThere’s nothing fairer” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“You know what, Doug? You should enjoy yourself because come Sunday you’re going to start dying, just a little bit, every day” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“Would you shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question?” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“Whose fking baby is that?” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“Jesus, he’s like a gremlinComes with instructions and shit” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“To a night the four of us will never forget!” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“Oh! Holy FK! He’s not kidding! There’s a tiger in there!” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“Let’s just get some coffee and get the FK out of Nevada before housekeeping shows” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“What’s the problem? We’re just riding an elevatorWhy, is this Jeopardy? What the FK is this bullshit!” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“You know, I just have to say I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature” – Phil (Bradley Cooper)

“You are literally too stupid to insult” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“I don’t know, Phil. Apparently, I’m a guy who marries complete strangers this whole situation is completely fked. These mugs “Phil, we’re not even going to be in the room’s one night, we can share bedsIt’s no big deal” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You just nailed the baby” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“I’m sorry, you mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn’t a good guy?” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“Why are you peppering the steak? You don’t know if tigers like pepper” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“Yeah, we’re stuck in traffic in a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back seat which part of this is fun?” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“Phil, we’re not going to leave a baby in the room, there’s a f**king tiger in the bathroom!” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“Oh, my God! That is my tooth! Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“Wow! You are the world’s shittiest drug dealer” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“I can’t believe I gave my grandmother’s Holocaust ring to someone I just me that was I thinking?” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he’s kind of a sweetheart” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“Don’t let the beard fool you he’s a child!” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“You’re such a bad personLike, all the way through to your core! Alan, shall we dance?” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit?” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“By the way, we’re all gonna die” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“I look like a nerdy hillbilly!” – Stu (Ed Helms)

“It’s not a pursuit’s a satchel beside, Indiana Jones has one” – Alan (Zack Galifianakis)

“Whatever happens tonight, I won’t ever speak a word of it seriously don’t care what happens don’t care if we kill someone “There’s a jungle cat in the bathroom!” – Alan (Zack Galifianakis)

“It’d be so cool if I could breastfeed, you know?” – Alan (Zack Galifianakis)

“Four of us wolves, wandering the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine” – Alan (Zack Galifianakis)

“What are you talking about? I’ve found a baby before” – Alan (Zack Galifianakis)

“Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It’s not gambling when you know you’re going to win counting cards is a foolproof system” – Alan (Zack Galifianakis)

“Uh, you know what? Next week’s no good for me, the Jonas Brothers are in town but any week after that is totally fine” – Alan (Zack Galifianakis)

“And we’re the three best friends that anybody could have” – Alan (Zack Galifianakis)

“So long, gay boys!” – MrChow (Ken Jeong)

“Not you, fat Jesus” – Officer Franklin (Rob Riggle)

“Remember what happens in Vegas, stays in VegasExcept for herpes that she’ll come back with you” – Sid (Jeffrey Tambor)

“Okay, kids you’re in for a real treat today here gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect that’s right”

“Toodooloo, motherfker!” – MrChow (Ken Jeong) “I doits at the corner of ‘Get A Map and Fk Off I’m a doctor, not a tour guide figure it out yourself, okay? You’re big boys”

“So after we take the mug shots, we bring them on down here where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officersTrust me, kids, you do not want to be sitting on these benches call this place ‘Loserville’” – Officer Foltz (Brody Stevens)

“Funny fat guy fall on the face!” – MrChow (Ken Jeong)

“There you go that’s the stuff like the intensity of the tiger

“Don’t worry about it, manLike you said, we all do dumb shit when we’re f**ked up” – Mike Tyson (Mike Tyson)