Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz

Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.

One cricket said to another – come, let us be ridiculous, and say, love! – Conrad Aiken

Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. – Phyllis Schlafly

Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.

Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you. — Megan Mullally

Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. – Carroll Bryant

It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.

I vow to never wear a flannel nightgown if you vow to never do a comb-over.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner

If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say “Now you’re super mad!”. If they laugh, marry them.

According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. –Dr. Seuss

Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein

I don’t care how many people are in this world, I want you! End of story.

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.

You can’t shine like a diamond if you are not willing to get cut like a diamond! – Eric Thomas

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. – Charles Gordy

There are three ways in life to become popular: be rich, be beautiful, or be funny. – John Macks, How to be funny

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. – Woody Allen

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris

I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. – Chico Marx

Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. – Jack Benny

I may look like a potato now, but one day I’ll turn into fries and you’ll want me then.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz

I love you, even when you fart in your sleep.

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
– Joan Crawford

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.

Every day I fall in love with you more and more. Except for yesterday… yesterday you were pretty annoying.

I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment is needed. We just sleep together every night.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

What’s more adorable than a baby panda snuggling a baby chick? Our love.

Sincerest love is the love of food. – George Bernard Shaw

A man’s job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. – Woodrow Wyatt

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils. ― Louis Hector Berlioz

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. ― Sharon Stone

So many reasons are there to love you. Your cute smile, your sweet laugh, your innocence, and your kind heart make me love you.

A friend is like a push-up bra, supportive, and close to the heart.

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

I promise to love you, respect you, support you, and above all else, make sure I’m not just yelling at you because I’m hungry.

I was married to a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters… I could be their leader. – Charles M. Schulz

He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. – Ring Lardner

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner

I love you more than yesterday. Yesterday you got on my nerves.

Once in a while, something amazing comes along and here I am.